Children all across America woke up this morning with a horrendous stomachache because they hoarded an absurd amount of sweets.
Statistics revealing that obesity is the number one preventable killer probably did not make a negative impact on candy sales during Easter week.
After all, there is no better way to celebrate a crucifixion 2,000 years ago than to search for plastic eggs with tasty delights inside.
I suppose having a sensually good time on our spring holiday reveals some pre-Christian pagan influence.
Of course they would wonder why we got rid of all the phalli. Kids can’t have raging pagan sex so parents give them the next best thing: chocolate.
The church was very clever placing Jesus’ resurrection just after the vernal equinox when fresh flowers and bare skin are giving everyone an erection.
Right now people are fucking harder than rabbits who deliver colored eggs.
I was raised by parents who gave a present or two on Easter morning along with the candy.
My belief in the existence of a large furry bunny was shattered after walking in on my parents