Straightforward Advice from Someone who Knows

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Dear Jill,

I have a 20-year-old friend who is dating a 35-year-old guy. She asked me for advice, but I’m not sure what to tell her. From a guy’s point of view, I think the guy is just horny, but I can’t tell her that. What should I say?
– Concerned Friend

Dear Concerned,

Of course you should tell her what you really think. What’s the point of her asking for your opinion if you’re not going to give it to her? Unless she’s hoping that you’ll lie to her, then you can join me in rolling my eyes to those girls who want their lives sugarcoated and filled with chocolatey goodness.
Chances are, she’s going to see the guy no matter what you say, so my advice is to just let her have it. Say what you think, and if she has a problem with it, then the problem doesn’t lie with you but in her inability to handle the truth.
Besides, you’re her friend and I’m sure she’ll value your opinion. If she doesn’t, tell her you saw her guy popping a Viagra.

Dear Jill,

There is this guy who has liked me for months and I immediately told him that he was wasting his time with me. But he said he was content with just having a friendship. I told him that I would hurt him eventually and that he could do better, but he liked my cold personality toward him. I just came out of a relationship where I was cheated on so I guess I am afraid to open my heart.
After a while I began liking this guy back, but that’s when the fear and bitchy attitude arose. I invited him out for coffee and told him that I had no room for him in my life and that we had nothing in common. I left him there sitting alone.
He left for a business trip overseas and a week ago I wrote him an e-mail apologizing for my behavior. I told him that I would understand if he didn’t want a friendship with me, but I asked him to forgive my actions.
He hasn’t replied, and I don’t blame him in the least. I’m hoping that he will read the e-mail when he comes back, and in my heart there is hope that everything will be OK. But as many other people have told him, guys don’t go out with girls who hurt them. What should I do?
– Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,

Well, you’ve certainly gotten yourself into a pickle, haven’t you? You’re right. Guys don’t like girls that hurt them. Hell, no one does.
So before you do anything, the first thing you should do is make sure you can keep that bitchy attitude in check, because in all fairness, you really shouldn’t reach out to this guy if you’re going to leave him alone in a coffee shop again.
First, deal with the fear that spurred your bitchy attitude to begin with.
Think about what you’re so afraid of and put the guy that hurt you in the past.
If this new guy is a good guy, having to live with the consequences of emotional baggage from a previous asshole is not fair to him at all.
If he’s read your e-mail, it’s safe to say that he was pretty hurt by the coffee shop incident and he’s not sure what to do.
If he wants to forgive you, I think he’ll need a bigger reason than an e-mail.
Try something a little bit more personal. He needs to see that you’re making a wholehearted effort, not just typing something up and clicking ‘send.’ Let him know how you feel and, of course, apologize your ass off. If it doesn’t work, you really can’t blame the guy.
If he hasn’t read your e-mail yet, there isn’t much you can do but wait until he reads it or wait until he comes back home.
Everyone makes mistakes and everyone has to live with the consequences.
Now you’re going to have to fix yours or live with it. Put in as much effort as you can and don’t get mad if he decides to shun you. Basically, if he’s a good guy, be a good girl in return.
Dear Jill,

How come it seems that when I’m looking for a girl, I can never seem to find one, but the second I don’t want one anymore I have all these girls flirting with me at a time when I’m not looking for anyone.
I suppose I want a girl in my life, but the question is, do I have time? I have 20 units right now and work over 20 hours a week. I barely find time for school, so how could I find time for a girl? It is just kind of frustrating.
-Frustrated and Busy

Dear Frustrated,

Give yourself a break, stretch a little and breathe. Don’t overthink something like this, because it’s really not something you can make a pro-and-con list about anyway.
When someone comes along whom you love to spend time with, would you really turn them down just on the basis of not having time?
Of course, relationships take up time and the occasional brain-cell, but hey, my advice is to not let that be the determining factor of whether or not you break out that ‘How you doin’?’ line. Thinking up scenarios before anything even happens really won’t do you much good, so just go with it to wherever those Ring Road gods take you.
As far as the timing of girls coming into your life, well, a cool person is going to be a cool person no matter how bad the timing is.
You can have a girl walk into your life at the perfect time, but she could be a stuck-up, did-you-just-call-me-fat monster, for all you know.
My point is, timing isn’t everything so don’t give yourself any white hairs over it.
Besides, good things are notorious for coming when you least expect them. Just deal with things as they come. They fall into place when they fall into place, so go with the flow.

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