Intimate Inquiry
aaronechols | Apr 19, 2010 | Comments 1
Dear LL&L,
My boyfriend has been asking me to have anal sex for a while now, and I decided that I would give him anal sex for his birthday in a couple of weeks. I’m getting nervous, and I don’t know what to expect. What can I do to make it more comfortable and less painful?
-Birthday Sex
Dear Birthday Sex,
First, make sure you’re actually okay with doing this before you get into it. If it’s something that you’re not comfortable with, you shouldn’t do it just to make your boyfriend happy. If he truly cares about you, he will understand that it is something that is not only uncomfortable, but also potentially painful for you.
With that said, if this is something that you’re open to exploring, there are several ways to make this experiment fun for the both of you. The first thing to remember is that lubrication is crucial. If you’re not a frequent luber, go together to pick up a few different kinds so you can test them out.
The second thing to keep in mind is that you’re going to need to take it pretty slow the first time. The muscle, or the sphincter, has to be relaxed in order to make it satisfying for you so you’ve got to allow yourself to get used to having something there. Start by having your boyfriend go in, but tell him not to begin thrusting. Give your muscles a few minutes to relax then you can start going for it — just make sure to keep it slow and work your way up in intensity! If you need to start with baby steps, you can have him start by inserting a finger before moving on to bigger plans.
Anal sex can actually be pleasurable for women as well as men, so make sure that he’s considering you in this too. The area is filled with sensitive nerve endings which can really get you going. Just remember to be safe and clean — anything that passes through the back door should be washed with warm water and soap to avoid infection. And, most importantly, don’t be switching back and forth between rear and front entries – that’s just asking for a bladder infection. If you use a condom, remember put another one on before switching to vaginal sex.
-Sandy
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Excellent advice, Sandy!
My wife and I enjoy anal sex regularly, we do it nearly every time we have sex and it’s extraordinarily pleasurable for both of us. It is more intimate than vaginal sex so it brings us closer together. She also has bigger orgasms through anal sex than other ways.
For a first-timer (woman, receptive) I’d say make sure you’re the one calling all the shots. You be in charge, whether that means telling him what to do and how, or by you physically controlling what is happening. Go very slowly and make sure you’re very turned on first. Orgasms relax you, and engorge the general area with blood, protecting tissues and providing more overall moisture ‘down there’.
The best lube out there by far (and I’ve tried them all) is called “Liquid Silk” by Bodywise, but many other kinds will do too. If you are fluid-bonded with your boyfriend you could use an oil or petroleum based lubricant (vaseline is very good) but these are not latex condom compatible.
– B