Drawn and Quoted

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-Christ, You Know it Ain’t Easy – The leadership of the Vatican gave peace a chance last week when they ran a newspaper article praising the career of the Beatles. In the L’Osservatore Romano piece, the Vatican issued a kind of apology for its condemnation of John Lennon’s completely factual 1966 comment that the Beatles were “bigger than Jesus.” The article mentioned that even though it’s been a long, long, long time since the comment, “in reality it wasn’t that scandalous.”

Reaction to the news varied dramatically. One baffled reader could only muster a simple comment: “I read the news today. Oh boy.” Vatican officials warned not to take the story too seriously; one official even commented that “half of what I say is meaningless.”

-I Can See Russia From My House – The details of a speaking contract between Sarah Palin and a college no one has ever heard of or attended have been revealed. CSU Stanislaus, a school so obscure it probably doesn’t have its own Wikipedia page, was told that the podium must be stocked with two water bottles and bendable straws for the illustrious Palin. She also demanded a private jet and pre-screened questions. Really, Sarah? Bendable straws? Do they even make those anymore? Somebody please tell the Republicans that backing America’s favorite hockey mom for president in 2012 is probably a bad idea if the GOP wants a win.

- Double Down and Double Your Weight – KFC has introduced the new Double Down “sandwich.” Perhaps it should not be referred to as an actual sandwich, because it features two slabs of fried chicken instead of bread. Cheese, bacon and some kind of special sauce are sandwiched between the greasy chicken filets. Only in America do people feel like using meat in place of bread in a sandwich.

KFC executives are debating whether or not to serve the sandwich with the location of the nearest emergency room printed on the wrapper. Look, if you eat it, you’re going to need medical attention. And because you’re cheap enough to eat at KFC and you live in America, you don’t have health insurance – so the emergency room is the only place to go for your Double Down-related medical needs.

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