‘Soul Plane’ Doesn’t Take-off

You dash into the lavatory and fall onto the toilet after eating a bubbling mass of beef stroganoff-airplane style. After bubbling back out your stroganoff you flush the toilet, but your ass somehow gets sucked in, making your ass a kind of hideous vacuum plug on the toilet. What do you do?
In the grand style of American consumerism, you complain of emotional damage and sue the airline carrier for