Bread and Turd: Part of a Complete Breakfast

I currently suffer from UCCS and daily breakouts of SCO. No, that’s not the latest STD spreading among college students. They stand for University of California Center in Sacramento and State Controller’s Office. (Who would have thought that acronyms could be so fun?)
I’m in Sacramento for the winter quarter interning with the SCO as part of the UCCS program. I go to work from 9 to 5, have class once a week, and the rest of the time is mine to pretend to work on my policy analysis project. In the grand scheme of things I’d have to say that things are going swimmingly. But give me a chance to reflect on the way things are really going down and, basically, I want to cry.
My roommates are Chinese, Indian and Mexican-American (for the record I’m of Egyptian descent); throw me in there and we have more variety than a bag of Jelly Bellys. Sure, hooray for diversity, but at this point, I honestly don’t care. I’m over it. New experiences with new people my arse.
I’ll admit it: I miss home. Yes, I said it. Sterile, uneventful, monotonous Irvine, I want you. Comparatively, Sacramento is a snooze-fest. Fun is hard to find around here. It’s more like teddy bear turds than anything. It just doesn’t happen. If there was any way to quantify boringness, Irvine would firmly place somewhere in the 90th percentile. Meanwhile, Sacramento would be off the charts and its mayor would be Sleepy McSnoozerson.
People complain that Irvine closes at 9 p.m. Guess what? Sacramento pretty much calls it a day around 6 p.m. And if you’re still around, a member of the transient community will be glad to show you the way out. They get awfully protective of their cold, damp, weatherworn sidewalks. And I know indigence is no laughing matter, but when they start rejecting coins and accept bills only, that’s when I decide to say ‘tough noogies’ and leave the good works to the church.
In desperate times, we find comfort in food. So naturally, I’ve been reduced to getting my kicks in the kitchen. I got over my usual microwave-magic cooking technique in the first few days, quickly progressing to a whole new plateau of domesticated excellence. Oh, yeah