‘Buckmasters’ Battle Deer on OLN ‘Buckmasters

Since the dawn of life on Earth, there has been a struggle for dominance. The lion versus the zebra. The dog versus the cat. But no conflict is greater than the one between man and beast. With the Outdoor Life Network’s show ‘Buckmasters,’ which airs on Thursdays at 7:30 p.m., we can watch this battle in all its glory.
The deer roam the American landscape as if it is their own. However, one man is brave enough to crusade against this furry onslaught: Jackie Bushman. He ranks himself among the greatest of Americans from President George W. Bush to Colonel Sanders.
The driving force of ‘Buckmasters,’ Bushman believes that deer pollute America with their stench and turn our amber waves of grain into tarnished shades of grime. The deer, Bushman thinks, have won over the public with their grace and fooled the masses with propaganda films like ‘Bambi.’
Every week, he takes audiences on a trip to the grandest outdoor areas. You can almost smell the fresh air, the leaves on the trees and the beer in the back of the Chevy for yourself. Bushman is the quintessential outdoorsman. He goes out into the wilderness after the dreaded bucks with the keenest sense of survival. To fool the wily deer, Bushman dresses in the most modern of survival gear, from army fatigue to night-vision goggles. When the deer spot him, he can protect himself with a variety of justice-serving tools like shotguns and bows and arrows. The bucks may pose danger with their antlers, but they are no match for American craftsmanship like the Remington slide-action rifle (no git’ damn Commie AK’s for us). Just try to imagine brave Jackie hiding behind a tree, pointing a sniper rifle at an unsuspecting buck without hearing the national anthem play inside your head. Why, it just makes that red spot behind your neck tingle with pleasure.
Bushman might experience another warm tingling sensation when he thinks about how some of the profits from his show and other hunting endeavors are used to support many worthwhile charities. One of his charitable organizations, Project Venison, which he founded in 1991, helps the physically challenged participate in hunting. I bet Jackie feels pretty good about himself, sitting on his chair with the antler armrests thinking, ‘Nothin’ makes a cripple feel better than killin’ somethin’ else.’
‘Buckmasters’ also supports young hunters with a segment called ‘Young Buck’s Outdoors,’ which is hosted by the loveable puppets Droptine, a charming, self-hating deer (a droptine is a part of a whitetail deer’s antler), and Shotgun Red, a jolly little guy who finds joy in the simple act of shedding blood.
Every episode of ‘Young Buck’s Outdoors’ features young hunters who are proud of their skills. In one show, an 11-year-old by the name of Jarred comes across a deer choking on some twine wrapped around its neck. ‘Young Buck’s Outdoors’ teaches its young viewers the precious lesson that when you see the enemy, your first job is to make sure it’s dead. Thus, to end the poor buck’s misery, young Jarred shoots it in its side.
Another highlight of the show includes Ty Weaver, a modern Huckleberry Finn, who downs six deer with his bow and arrow. I certainly wish him luck when he travels to South Africa next year to hunt zebras. Stories like this should make every true American proud. This segment helps a new generation of hunters rise up into glory.
In this leftist, agnostic society, in which a television show actually features a female president, it is truly refreshing to see that not all our American values are lost.
‘Buckmasters’ is a unique and exciting series. It highlights one of the world’s oldest Bible-approved sports. While it may be inappropriate for women, liberals and Michael Moore, every real man should have a reason to watch.