Wear Padding to Kantina
Valet parking and boat docking were not the only features that made Kantina accessible; having a boob job and giving the bouncer a hug allowed for a couple ladies to join the scene.
Unwilling to pay for valet parking, I parked on Newport Blvd. and walked to the drop-off entrance of Kantina, the bar and restaurant in Newport Beach that opened a little over 6 months ago. At 11 p.m. last Wednesday, a bouncer in a pin-striped navy blue suit over a pink collared shirt blocked the door. He told my friend and me to wait until a few people left because it was packed inside.
Despite the crowd, Kantina did not have a cover charge. And who would mind waiting for free entry into a place with a live DJ, dancing and schmoozing? Not many party-going 21-year-olds would, so without hesitation, my friend and I waited patiently in our two-person line.
After about five minutes the line doubled, and I had started to worry that we would be waiting for a while. No one seemed to be leaving through the main door. The possibility of seeing the inside of Kantina seemed small.
It wasn’t until a set of silicone-injected double-Ds showed up at the entrance of Kantina that it suddenly became spacious enough to let two women in. One-half of the pair of platinum-blonde breast-implanted women said, ‘Hey baby,’ and hugged the bouncer. Immediately, the ladies were ushered in through the unusually wide, mahogany swinging doors.
When the door swung shut and the bouncer returned to his position, I turned with my friend and left the line. I heard the valet parking attendants and bouncers laughing while we walked away and, sadly, I couldn’t help but think about my double-A-sized boobs.
Perhaps my cleavage was not enough to make me a VIP at Kantina. Apparently there was room for two women with busts that doubled the overall width of their bodies, but not enough room for two skinny people.
While we were leaving, my friend, fourth-year English major Devon Beckwith, said, ‘Those women looked like porn stars.’
Unwilling to let a shallow bouncer’s discrimination ruin our night, my friend and I headed over to Woody’s Wharf next door for a drink. After waiting about five minutes, we showed our drivers licenses and were welcomed in.
There was no cover and a DJ, and the bar was fully stocked, creating an inclusive party atmosphere. However, there was a scent of body odor on the dance floor, convincing many people to go outside to the yard that overlooks the waterfront around the Balboa Peninsula.
From the backyard setting, my friend and I looked up at the deck of Kantina hanging a story above us. It overlooked the water and was full of people talking and drinking. Through the crowd I could see one of the double-Ds. It was like her breasts were saying to me, ‘Babe, your breasts are not acceptable here.’
I turned my eyes away from Kantina to once again look at Woody’s Wharf. My friend said, ‘It’s like we are peasants.’ Woody’s Wharf looked like a fisherman’s boating shack in comparison to the two-story, open decked, candle-lit Kantina.
I sipped my vodka tonic. My friend lit up a cigarette.
Annoyance mixed with vodka rushed through my blood. After finishing our drinks, we agreed to go back to Kantina to confront the bouncer.
When we marched up to the doors of Kantina, once again there was no line. The bouncer saw us and said, ‘Oh, you guys were inside before. Go on in.’ With that, the door to Kantina swung open and we were allowed inside.
My friend and I laughed at the bouncer for thinking he had let us into Kantina earlier in the night. In a brighter mood, I decided to let the possible discrimination issue go and checked out the place. We stayed for 15 minutes before Kantina closed early because one of the guests had overdosed on alcohol (according to one of the waitresses). Ambulances were showing up outside.
Although I was only at Kantina for 15 minutes, I got a taste for its aesthetic appeal. Shiny wooden floors, candle-like light structures, popular music and five-dollar beers were some of the things I noticed. There was also a surprising diversity of breast sizes.
From the inside, it appeared that they do not select guests based on breast size. Although Hooters previously occupied the building where Kantina is now located, emphasis on large breasts was not the point for the crowd at Kantina. It was only that one case of selectivity outside that implied that there was a shallow atmosphere inside.