To My Future Roommate: How to Become My Ideal Roommate

Dear Future Roommate,
Every weekday at precisely five minutes to five, I pour myself a bowl of uncooked ramen noodles, and tune in to the ‘People’s Court.’ Up next: Judge Marilyn Milian presides over the case of the roommates who got into a Jerry Springer-like fight over a pair of missing socks. ‘But hey, bro