Even if you like Carmen Electra in body-tight outerwear, ‘Epic Movie’ will not come close to satisfying your need for visual stimulation for 90 minutes. Her oceanic-blue body paint suit with strategically placed rhinestones is not enough to carry the venture of co-directors/co-writers Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (‘Date Movie,’ ‘Scary Movie’) as a successful movie parody.
With a cast almost as unrecognizable as a forgotten child star, ‘Epic Movie’ takes the audience through the reunion of four orphans separated at birth who reconvene via golden tickets for a chance to see an infamous chocolate factory. Lucy (Jarma Mays) stumbles onto her opportunity to the chocolate factory from clues left on the Mona Lisa revealed through black light, a la ‘The Da Vinci Code.’
Kal Penn (‘Harold and Kumar go to White Castle’) plays Edward, who ditches his orphanage after his dreams of becoming a lucha libre wrestler are shattered by an unsuccessful Jack Black impersonator.
Peter (Adam Campbell) is not the web-slinging, masked vigilante Peter Parker, but an X-Man with chicken wings. The fourth orphan, Susanne (Faune A. Chambers), is a woman opposite Samuel L. Jackson’s character from the nail-biting thriller that is ‘Snakes on a Plane.’
Disturbed by Wonka’s desire to put the quartet in his candy (literally), the group enters his quirky plant, avoiding preoccupied Loompa Oompas who, of course, break out in a choreographed dance to the latest Fergie single. The orphans stumble across the door to Gnarnia (spelled with a ‘G’ to avoid a lawsuit) where they realize their destiny to do battle with the evil white