Spears’ Freak Show Sad Story

‘My mom is going to freak. She’s going to kill me,’ uttered a newly bald Britney Spears. Is that to say that her mother did not already have reason to want to kill her famous daughter, based on Britney’s recent antics?
This former cherub-cheeked Mousketeer is now as well-known for selling platinum albums as she is for kissing Madonna on national television, club-hopping until dawn, drinking until unconscious and exposing her privates to the world. Spears then decided to step it up a notch by entering Esther’s Haircutting Studio in Tarzana and completely shaving her head. Next, she decided two tattoos would be the perfect accessory to her new look.
Apparently ‘shaver’s shame’ kicked in soon after, because while sunbathing at the Mondrian Hotel and partying the night away at the Roxy, she was spotted wearing a blonde wig that looked like she had made it herself with the hair of her old Barbies, which, considering her recent behavior, could be quite possible.
Granted, before her shocking President’s Day coiffure, Britney had decided to clean up her act with a 24-hour stay in a rehab in Antigua. Spears quickly decided rehab was not the answer; shaving her head and looking like a refugee was a better decision. Then mom came to town and forced her into a different rehab in Malibu. Apparently, that was also not the answer because, ‘Oops she did it again.’ She flew the coop. As much as she claims she wants to be left alone, maybe someone should tell Britney that bouncing in and out of rehabs and running around town acting like a lunatic is not the best way to get the attention off of yourself. Playing Edward Scissorhands on your own head in front of the paparazzi is definitely not a cry for solitude.
Some rumors have it that Spears shaved her head to avoid drug testing that was supposed to occur on Feb. 21. Thank God no one told her she was having a urine test because who knows what she might have done!
The real question here is, where are her two children while she is in the middle of all these escapades? They were not seen at the burlesque club or the barbershop, and I doubt her former husband Kevin Federline has the decency to be babysitting while his soon-to-be-ex-wife is making a fool of herself in front of the world. This story is becoming so ridiculous that it would not be surprising if her son, Sean Preston Spears, has taught himself to read and is writing the expos