The Five Biggest Balls in Bad Metaphor History

‘Always protect your family jewels,’ said Bruce Campbell as Jack Stiles, the James Bond of Revolutionary America who spies on French imperialists for Thomas Jefferson in USA’s new show ‘Jack of all Trades.’ In the infamous ‘X Marquis the Spot’ episode, Stiles and British agent Emilia Rothschild chase King George III’s stolen crown to the nefarious Marquis de Sade’s Agony Island. However, just how far will the twosome go for the British monarchy, especially when a certain red- and black-leather-wearing marquis wants to turn Rothschild into a dominatrix?
According to the episode, Stiles will go so far as to participate in a sadomasochistic horserace for the family jewels. Some people go further. Why? It’s because their jewels are bigger than King George’s crown. In fact, they’re bigger than the crown, Big Daddy, Big Love and the Big Lebowski combined. So curl up with a cup of cocoa and a rubber chicken for a list of the five biggest balls the size of something in bad metaphor history.

1. David Chase, the man behind the mob boss on ‘The Sopranos,’ ‘has balls the size of Volkswagens,’ says blogger Ron Moore on SciFi.com. Apparently, Chase ‘thumbed his nose at the tyranny of the narrative drive’ by letting us ‘pretend that