Drawn and Quoted

Dial 1-800-Douchebag: On Feb. 19, ‘Maryanne’ called Bill O’Reilly’s nationally syndicated radio show and shared her words of wisdom: ‘Michelle Obama is an angry woman.’ What makes Maryanne so sure? ‘Well, I have a friend who had knowledge of her and said to me months ago, ‘This is a very angry,’ her word was ‘militant,’ woman.’
‘It’s not fair at this point for you to say, ‘My friend said X and Y,’ because we just don’t know,’ O’Reilly answered.
That’s right, O’Reilly defended Obama! The rightwing media stood for truth, stood for fact-checking, and stood for liberal weenies! And the Angels won the pennant! Oh, wait. ‘I don’t want to go on a lynching party against Michelle Obama unless there’s evidence,’ O’Reilly said. The O’Reilly Factor: spelling ‘racial sensitivity’ without the ‘sense’ since 1996.
When Good Conspiracy Theorists Go Douchebag: In ‘Obama’s Political Origins,’ the National Review’s Lisa Schiffren isn’t afraid to ask tough questions about Barack Obama. Questions about issues? No. Ideologies? No. The word ‘nucular’? No. Instead, Schiffern asks, ‘How had [black men and white women] come together at a time when it was neither natural nor easy for such relationships to flourish? Always through politics. No, not the young Republicans. Usually the Communist Youth League.’
‘Political correctness was invented precisely to prevent the mainstream liberal media from pursuing the questions which might arise about how Senator Obama’s mother, from Kansas, came to marry an African graduate student,’ says Schiffern. ‘Love? Sure, why not? But what else was going on around them that made it feasible?’ The connection between mixed-race couples and communists is about as sound as the correlation between Apollo and aliens, WMDs and Iraqis or Schiffern and sense.
Who let the dogs out? Douchebags! Douchebags! Douchebags!: ‘If we can’t be the voice of the people anymore, let us be the voice of animals,’ said small-town Texas ex-mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez. Last July, Saenz-Lopez’s next-door neighbors asked the animal-loving ex-mayor to watch their sick Shih Tzu. A little later, she told the Gutierrezes that their precious Puddles had kicked the bucket. Then she took the purloined pooch