Thursday, July 9, 2020
Home Features Classy News about Celebrities, America and Stupidity

Classy News about Celebrities, America and Stupidity

Spring has sprung so I feel it’s only appropriate to discuss the latest, classy news in our springy world. The reason I want to bring this news to light is because they all have something in common: insulting America’s intelligence. Let’s start off with something I like to call, “Celebrities Think Non-Celebrities Are Dumb:”
1.) Eliot Spitzer. I do not know what it is with men and the law, but this one gives a whole new meaning to the term “dirty politics.” I mean, seriously Mr. Spitzer? You think you can get something this big and bad past us? I thought we were supposed to have smart men running our country. Instead, we have people in supposedly happy marriages who secretly visit prostitutes, like the extremely young (as in 22 years old) Ms. Dupre, among others. Not okay. Yes, it is sad, but if you ask me (and once again, you didn’t), it’s more stupid than anything. What a moron.
2.) Paris Hilton and Benji Madden. I will bet anyone that this duo will be history faster than you can say “publicity stunt.” Let’s take inventory: Nicole Richie, Hilton’s best friend (and former enemy for upstaging her or something like that, but since Richie is the size of a toothpick, I do not see how anyone possibly can) is with Joel Madden and they just had a baby. (named Harlow. Yes, Harlow). Amidst the hoopla, the brilliant heiress (sarcasm intended) has paparazzi buzzing as she is seen hand-in-hand with Joel’s brother, bringing the spotlight back to her, Benji and her plethora of weird, furry pets. Again, seriously? Oh Paris, your name is the capital of France.
3.) Jennifer Lopez and her twins. Naturally, the issue of People magazine featuring a mini-novel of her twins (no joke) Max and Emme flew off of the shelves within minutes. Obviously, that was the point. Yes, they are clearly proud new parents who love their mini-me’s dearly, but what is the real reason they plastered their kids’ faces all over a glossy? The answer is simple: money, money, and more money. However, the real question is how much money are people willing to pay just to get pictures of two faces that have barely had time to open their eyes? How about six million dollars? Okay, I hate to sound repetitive, but seriously?
4.) “The Hills.” Yes, this is the second time I am venting about this show, but oh well. They are still calling it a reality show, and this makes me laugh. If anyone saw the season premiere last night [and I realize that I am a hypocrite for seeing it myself and (cringe) enjoying it], you know what I mean. If anything, I would hope that Lauren, Heidi and company’s acting chops would improve, but I guess I expected too much. I mean, why else would Spencer fly to Colorado on a whim and Lauren miraculously score a nicer dress in her size (and conveniently ruin the first one). God bless MTV for thinking so highly of “The Hills'” fans. After all, it is reality television … right?
Well folks, there you have it. I am sure this list could be longer, but aside from the word limit, I also did not think it was necessary to blab on about how stupid celebrities think we are these days. The way I see it, they do not have to say it out loud; it is pretty clear from the few examples given above. But nothing can really get past us, can it? Whether it’s about prostitutes, babies or hills, we know the truth. So, who’s laughing now? Probably nobody, since this is really not that important in the grand scheme of life. Regardless, that is my little rampage for now. Happy Spring.