Drawn and Quoted

My Milkshakes Bring the News to the Yard: “[Barack Obama has] got another problem. … He can’t walk into a dinette [sic] with five or six guys there, white guys, in some cases,” said MSNBC’s Hardball host Chris Mathews. “He can’t just shake hands and hang out. He doesn’t seem to, ‘Hey, you know, how are the Eagles doing?’ Or ‘How are the Phils doing?'” By condensing Obama’s prospects in the Pennsylvania primaries to his popularity with “white … Phils fans” in a “dinette,” Mathews makes one more strike against the relevance of the mainstream media … and sets white people back 50 years.
There are no Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq: Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. “Chuck Norris facts are written on lavatory walls, and mini-shrines [are] erected [to] the brawny born-again Christian who is lifting the spirits of the soldiers,” reported MonstersandCritics.com. “I’ve seen his videos. He’s a hero. … We should all be like Chuck Norris,” said Iraqi police trainee Khaled Hussein. Norris … bringing people together, one roundhouse kick at a time.
Self-Explanatory Bonus Quote: “Now that’s my phone buzzing there. I don’t want you to think I’m getting fresh or anything,” Obama said. He was posing for a picture when his cellphone vibrated in his right pocket