Drawn and Quoted

Douchebag of the Week: “This offer of comfort by this means is based on several Biblical passages […] [LaVoie] has every right under the First Amendment to freely exercise his religion, which religion includes offering comfort through the laying on of hands,” wrote attorney Brad Roach, who is representing a man named John LaVoie in a case that’s as American as apple pie. The Arizona Daily Star reports that LaVoie claimed that as the pastor of the Church of Liberty, his Angel’s Heaven Relaxation Spa is not a prostitution ring but a massage business that heals the afflicted. However, state attorneys in Arizona see matters differently. Their case against LaVoie argues that he was running a house of prostitution disguised as a church and that the “laying on of hands” is not a religious act like LaVoie claims but a business that provides the company of a prostitute, not the comfort of a massage. LaVoie’s sleazy argument that freedom of religion grants him leeway when it comes to his particular business model does not equate to the freedom to consort with some masseuse whores.
Self-Parody Alert: “The liberal uses crises, real or manufactured, to expand the power of government at the expense of the individual and private property. He has spent, in earnest, 70 years evading the Constitution’s limits on governmental power. If conservatives don’t stand up to this, who will? If they don’t offer serious alternatives that address the current circumstances and defend the founding principles, who will?” wrote Mark Levin for the National Review Online. Where has Levin been the past eight years? Maybe in his world President Bush hasn’t greatly overstepped the limits of the Constitution while expanding executive power in ways no administration has ever done, including the erosion of Constitutional and civil liberties. Conservatives who believe in the principles of limited government, the Constitution and fiscal responsibility have done little to counter the Bush administration. Levin’s post almost seems satirical, but it’s not so funny when one realizes he is being sincere.
A Lesson in Getting It (Always) Wrong: “The idea was to tell the story behind the effect that Sarah Palin has had on this election and how it is and why it is that she has basically turned the election around for McCain and why it is that she is resonating with so many people in the country […] The intent was to finish the book by a week after the election, and to have it out before the inauguration,” said Curtis Yates, the literary agent for right-wing talk show host Hugh Hewitt, who wanted to write a book entitled “How Sarah Palin Won the Election … and Saved America,” but publishers didn’t want to print it.
Hewitt’s tendency to write political books that always turn out wrong is becoming a comical fixture of election seasons. For instance, in 2006 he wrote about a permanent Republican majority and Democrats then swept the midterm elections. In 2007 he wrote about Mitt Romney being the first Mormon president, but soon after Romney withdrew from the race. Maybe Hewitt should write a book entitled, “How Sarah Palin Saved America by Losing the Election.”
Self-Explanatory Bonus Quote (or Ode): “Aping urbanity, oozing with vanity, plump as a manatee, faking humanity, journalistic calamity, intellectual inanity, fox noise insanity, you’re a profanity Hannity,” penned British comedy icon John Cleese about the Fox News anchor Sean Hannity.