Douchebag of the Week: “Be forewarned: If you willfully disobey God on life and marriage because of race or false hope for the economy, you will usher in the kind of change that brought the Soviet Union to collapse … To those who think that God’s grace gives them license to willfully disobey Him without consequences—think again … Then obey [God] in the voting booth and out of it. If not, do us all a favor and quit calling yourself a Christian,” wrote Janet Porter, the president of Faith2Action, for WorldNetDaily.com. No, it’s Porter that needs to think again for shamefully trying to scare people into believing they are not real Christians if they vote for Barack Obama. Porter should do Christians a favor and stop calling herself a Christian if all she can do is argue for a divisive religious paradigm that will do little to solve any real problems. Or maybe she’s just secretly hoping a McCain presidency will quickly precipitate the rapture so that only heathens (i.e. angry Obama supporters) will be left to deal with all our earthly problems.
The Diplomatic Brush-off: “Touching is not part of German culture, and even less so in the culture of this German … Physical exhibition of feelings is not proper to Germans,” said journalist Dorothea Hahn of Die Tageszeitung of Berlin, claiming that German Chancellor Angela Merkel has been less than receptive to the charms of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, such as his tendency to give her little pats on the shoulder or double-kisses. While there are conflicting views about whether or not the leaders are really facing a culture clash, one can only remember Merkel’s startled reaction when George W. Bush came from behind to give her a shoulder rub at a G-8 Summit in 2006. Now how does one say “step off” in German?
Thou Art the Forsaken One: “Nobody should stand at the courthouse door to predetermine who has access to the courts. My point is that anyone can sue anyone else, even God … If God is omnipresent, then he is here in Douglas County and in this courtroom,” said Ernie Chambers, a Nebraskan state senator who tried to sue God in a district court for causing earthquakes and tornadoes, but the presiding judge recently threw the case out because Chambers could not serve God the papers pertaining to the lawsuit, as reported by the Omaha World-Herald. Do Senators in Nebraska really have nothing better to do than seeing what kind of existential lawsuits they can get away with?
Bonus Quote: “The more I think about it the more this election day feels like one giant collective, global puke. That Bush-Cheney thing never quite settled with us, did it? We’ll feel a lot better but a lot more tired once the last heave is over,” wrote Andrew Sullivan for his blog The Daily Dish.