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Thumbs up to Peter the Anteater: The UC Irvine men’s basketball team held their home opener in front of a crowd of 1,021. No one was more excited than Peter the Anteater, who entered the season with a revitalized bag of tricks and stunts. During one of the tricks, Peter tried to pull a quick one and shot off the t-shirt gun twice in the direction of his girlfriend. However, karma would have it otherwise by making him miss both times. Although Peter the Anteater lost his battle with Karma, he was not fazed and continued to excite the crowd and pump up the team. Despite Peter’s best efforts, UCI lost the game 74-69 and Peter’s girlfriend lost out on two t-shirts.
Thumbs Up to Joe and Chris Miller: It wasn’t a riot, a protest or a Barack Obama speech that brought out 40,000 people to the Miller’s farm north of Denver; it was urgency. Once the Millers opened up their farm after the harvest to anyone wanting to pick leftover vegetables, 11,000 cars chugged in. In one day, 600,000 pounds of produce was harvested. However, the Colorado State Patrol, who issued citations to many illegally parked cars, didn’t share their altruism. The citations turned many joyous smiles into frowns and corroborated many people’s beliefs that the only thing worse than hunger is the police.
Thumbs Up to Wal-Mart: Wal-Mart announced plans to give more than 90 million pounds of food annually to Feeding America, the largest food bank in the nation. The announcement comes as more and more aid organizations report reduced donations. For example, shrinking donations have forced California food banks to provide 44.7 million fewer meals than they did in 2002. The announcement also comes at a time of increasing demand. According to The Washington Post, for the first time the number of Americans on food stamps is set to exceed 30 million. The food shortage is felt even in Orange County, where each month 456,000 people are at risk of hunger.
Thumbs Up to Fertility Cryobank: While all other banks are shunning the average university student, one bank has its doors still open. It’s not your mother’s community bank, but the Fertility Cryobank, a sperm bank that offers males between the ages of 18 and 35 who have attended, or are currently attending, a four-year university $100 per “donation.” The job comes with perks. Some perks, like a free physical exam, target students lacking health insurance. Others are a little more personal. As stated on Fertility Cryobank’s front page, one perk is the ability to, I kid you not, “make dreams come true for yourself.” One can donate two to three donations per week for six months, which translates into $7,200. If ambition or the need for money makes six months feel too short, become a freelance sperm donor and show off the skills you’ve been practicing since middle school. It’s a job worth bragging to friends about.

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