Abstinence: He’s Just Not That In You

SEX. Got your attention? Good. Now don’t do it and think about something else – I suggest God.

Here in Southern California where it is always summer, the weather is a titillating 80 degrees 360 days a year (the other five days are a ravishing El Nino) and that can only mean a perpetual flesh fest of skimpy clothes, bicep-accentuating tank tops and oversized sunglasses. So naturally, come actual summertime, our friends at The Anteater Review made the logical choice and wrote about what was on everyone’s mind: abstinence only sex education.

As the self-proclaimed “voice of reason,” The Anteater Review strips down liberal programs of comprehensive sex education and penetrates the leftist fallacies with a throbbing argument for abstinence. By teaching our students “safe sex” — I use quotations because safe sex is a myth, like how condoms can prevent STDs — we aren’t teaching them about making responsible decisions about sexual relationships and behavior. Instead, “safe sex” education intends to “educate” by explaining the outcomes of sexual behavior, such as unwanted pregnancies, STDs and effects on relationships.

Putting sex into sex-education is not only illogical, but also rampantly irresponsible. As Patrick Ross analyzes the delicate flower that is sex education, he writes that sex education has a “redistributive economic agenda” that is “tacitly encouraging single motherhood and promiscuity.”

I couldn’t agree more. By teaching kids about sex, the government is single-handedly pushing a socialist economic plan (stealing condoms from the rich and giving them to the poor), creating more welfare thieving single mothers and teaching the daughters of America to be whores. Like all other liberal plans, sex education will destroy the moral fabric of America and tear down the free market. President Barack Obama’s campaign slogan, “yes we can,” wasn’t a hope-inspiring line to rally new supporters, it was a blatant call for all Americans to participate in a nationwide “safe-sex” orgy so that he could get a head start on creating single moms and a socialist economy. Why else would people chant “yes we can” so vigorously and passionately at rallies?

There’s only one way to combat this leftist sex education blitzkrieg and that’s sex-free sex education. Just as anorexia taught us that people can forgo the natural need to eat without harmful side effects, abstinence will teach young people that they don’t need sex.

The most effective way to reach the young adults is through the media. By changing the names of existing movies, we can use the sex-propagating media to propagate friendship until marriage. For example, instead of “He’s Just Not That Into You,” you have, “He’s Just Not That In You.” Or instead of “The 40 Year Old Virgin,” you get, “The Old Virgin: Good for You.” “Sex and the City: But First They Got Married.” However, some show titles push an abstinence only agenda, so wholesome, sex-free shows such as “Friends” and “Family Guy” should be embraced.

More immediately, we can kill the female libido by making sports less prominent. Pro-sex education companies such as Nike should be boycotted immediately because their slogan is clearly tempting young people to copulate right there on the field. Similarly, Adidas should be blocked because their acronym can easily be interpreted as “All Day I Dream About Sex.” Outrageous. There is so much anger and tension building up that one could explode.

So this summer, when you’re out there watching movies, running around on the beach, playing sports and passing out abstinence only flyers, just remember one thing: sex will kill America.

James Kuo is a fourth year English major. He can be reached at jkuo4@uci.edu.