Cooking With the Creeps: Undead Recipes From the Eerie Zombie Chef

I was out re-animating zombies last night at the Santa Ana Cemetery and up through the soil popped a zombie chef! In thanks, the undeparted fellow shared a slew of delicious Hallow’s Eve treat recipes with me.  Now I, your humble cemetery cuisinier, will teach you how to prepare some delightful delicacies of the dead.  The best part? No expiration dates.

Engorged Eyeballs

For those who don’t enjoy the taste of real eyes, this recipe will yield around nine dozen eyeballs. Zombie Chef prefers them raw for the extra protein to build his zombie muscles.

3 ounces lemon gelatin (small box)
1 cup hot water
1/2 cup mini marshmallows
1 cup pineapple juice
8 ounces cream cheese
Food coloring (for decoration)

Dissolve the lemon gelatin in one cup of water in a double boiler, a specific type of pot with an upper and larger lower saucepan (fill the larger saucepan with plenty of water).
Once dissolved, add in the marshmallows and stir to melt.  Remove the bowl from heat then add the pineapple juice and cream cheese
Beat the mixture thoroughly until it’s well-blended, and let it cool. Dump the whole thing into a deep ceramic dish and let it chill in the fridge until it’s thick enough to scoop into eyeballs.
Scoop out balls of the thickened mixture, set them aside, and decorate to make the creepiest undead eye imaginable.

Butterbeer

Looks like my zombie compatriot cooked somewhere in Hogsmeade in his former life.

This recipe makes 2 quarts.

1 cup butterscotch schnapps
7 cups cream soda (nearly one 2 liter bottle)

Mix it just before serving to your guests, otherwise the fizz will dissipate too soon. If you want to keep your butterbeer ready to pour, take your 2-liter bottle of cream soda and pour out 1 cup. Quickly pour 1 cup butterscotch schnapps into the 2-liter bottle.

Brittle Bones

This delicacy carries a sweetness akin to that of meringue. Zombie Chef even was thrifty enough to use his own bones in showing me how to prepare this one.

Makes 4 to 5 dozen small finger-sized bones

3 large egg whites
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/8 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup white sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Preheat your oven to 200F.  Line a cookie sheet with a brown paper bag or similar parchment.  Throw the egg whites, cream of tartar, and salt into a mixing bowl and beat at a high speed until the mix becomes fluffy.  Gradually beat in the sugar and then add the vanilla.

When finished, place it all in a pastry bag fitted with a medium-sized plain piping tip to squeeze it out of. If you don’t have a pastry bag, use a plastic bag and just cut off the corner to achieve the same effect. Pipe 3-inch bone shapes onto your parchment or paper bag.  Bake for an hour, then turn off your oven and let the bones dry in it for another hour. Make sure you store them in airtight containers or they’ll turn soggy.

Happy Haunting!