Flirtatious texts, booties and exes, oh my! This man just can’t get past his player-crush.

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I have a mad crush on a guy who was in one of my classes. He’s everything I want in someone because he’s funny, he’s got a great personality, and he has got a booty! I’m a booty kind a guy and trust me, this guy’s bootylicious. So we talk and we’ve gone out for a couple drinks and we’ve kissed and he’s great and we’ll flirt and we’ll have lunch dates and so on and so forth.

BUT! He’s got an ex. He’s got some unresolved issues that he apparently wants to deal with. If I ever ask for a date outside of school (or not lunch) he’s always busy with work so I ask him when he’s free so that we could for sure finalize something. THAT STILL DOESN’T WORK! He turns vague and elusive, ignoring questions. I’ll text and ask how he’s doing but he usually just answers – He used to ask what I was up to but now it’s kind of one sided.

I feel like I’m being played but at the same time I don’t. I mean I get the compliments, and I get the sweet texts and he is a genuine sweet guy. I just feel like, if you’re hanging out with your ex and ignoring my date suggestions I should just get over it but I can’t. I mean he’s really everything I’ve ever wanted to find. He’s flirty and funny and open and good looking.

How do I stand up against his ex? How do I make him see that I’m a possibility? Should I keep talking to him? I think we could have some mad fun together but I just don’t know if he wants to see it just yet…

-Mad Crush

Dear MC,

You certainly do have a Grade A crush on your hands – there’s no doubt about that. It sounds to me like you already know what my answer is going to be, but I’ll go ahead and spell it out anyway.

Whether this guy is bootylicious or not, he isn’t making any moves in your direction. If he were interested in going further with you, he would let you know by taking you up on your offers of hanging outside of campus.

As of now, it it’s a relationship of convenience. If he happens to be on campus, he’ll grab lunch with you. If you happen to text him, he’ll text back. And worst of all, if he needs some attention, he’ll use you.

Right now, that need for you is fluctuating – it’s inversely proportional to the amount of time he spends with is ex. If his ex is giving him more attention than s/he did before, you’ll get less of those flirty text messages aimed at getting some feel-good feedback from you. If the ex’s attention starts to wane, he’ll be trying for more.

The important thing to realize is that it’s not dependent on you. This guy is getting attention from you when he feels like it, but when he doesn’t, you’re left in the dust. It’s entirely selfish as your needs are not even made a part of the equation.

Work on distancing yourself from him by spending time with other friends. When his ex spends less time with him at some point in the future and he starts sending you sexy texts again, know that YOU are in control of this situation. He thinks it’s a given that you’ll give him that attention when he wants it so, quite simply, don’t do it.

Sandy

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