Life, Love and Lust

Hey Sandy,

So there’s this girl I met over the weekend. We had a good time and what not. We planned another date which will consist of church, snowboarding, bagels, and cream cheese. I guess you can call it another “hang out” session. I forgot to get her number down. But when I ask for her number through Facebook, she ignores me and it feels like she’s playing hard to get. I should’ve asked for it before leaving. What should I do?

-Simpin

Simpin –

1. What the hell is “simpin”?

2. I’m not sure what the deal is here since Facebook isn’t exactly the best means of communication. If she hasn’t messaged you back, it’s possible that she just never checks her Facebook messages so if that’s what’s going on, you can try posting a comment on her wall or Facebook chat with her.

It doesn’t sound like that’s going to be the case, though, and here’s why: The plans that you’re talking about sound pretty vague (snowboarding/church/bagels isn’t exactly a one-date outing) so I’m guessing you didn’t actually schedule a time to meet. You might want to consider how seriously she took those plans since it sounds like you were just talking about mutual interests.

If she has messaged you back and ignored your request for her number in that message, then she’s not playing hard to get – she just doesn’t want you to have her number.
-Sandy

Sandy,

This past weekend I hooked up with a girl who wears a Nuvaring. It popped out while we were having sex and I didn’t think anything of it but she called me the next day about it because she couldn’t find it. I looked around, found it on the floor and told her where it was. She came by to pick it up later that day and took it home. I guess my question is whether that’s okay to do, or whether it’s even sanitary. If it’s not, why would she pick it up?

-Nuvawrong

Nuvawrong,

She probably came back to pick it up because she didn’t want to leave a vaginal insert just hanging out on the floor of her eff-buddy’s house.

On using it again after it falls out, it actually is ok to re-insert it if you rinse it in cool water. Depending on her personal use schedule for the ring, she may need to ditch the old ring and start using a new one. This is recommended if she’s in the third week of using the ring – if it’s the first or second week of use, it’s acceptable to continue with old ring.

The deal is just that Nuvaring is meant to constantly release a hormone so if you keep it out of the body for more than three hours, it’s not going to be able to effectively build up that hormone for about a week after it’s reinserted.

This means you can’t rely on it as a method of birth control for seven days so use a condom or another contraceptive if you guys are shacking up again soon.

-Sandy

Sandy,

My boyfriend recently found out that I was still occasionally talking to an old hook-up. I only consider him a friend and have never said or done anything sexual with him, but since I didn’t tell him about it, my boyfriend thinks that something is going on and can’t find a way to get over it. He had a hard time trusting me in the first place, and now even though he knows he loves me and wants to be with me, he has a very hard time getting over it and moving past it. How can I fix this?

-HO NO MO!

Ho No Mo,

I’m tempted to refer you back to EMT’s question from Jan. 4 to see the other side of the situation, but I’ll go ahead and take this side too.

Despite what you might think, your boyfriend actually does have a pretty legitimate reason to have a difficult time trusting you.

While you shouldn’t feel like you have to catalogue your every move for him, it’s just plain disrespectful not to at least mention you’re spending time with an old flame.

You can fix it by sitting down and letting him know that you understand that it’s a sensitive issue, and assure him that nothing is going on. Explain that you and your ex are just friends and, while you won’t agree to not see him, you will agree to tell your current boyfriend every time you see him and what you end up doing together.

If it becomes a problem and he’s pestering you constantly about this issue after you’ve already discussed your plan of action, it’s a serious problem that has more with him than you.

If that’s the case, you need to ask him straight out whether he’ll be able to get past the issue. If he can’t, it’s just not fair to you or him to continue putting yourselves through the constant struggle that a relationship  without trust entails.

-Sandy

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