Campus Dating

Sandy,

My girlfriend and I have been testing out bondage little by little. One thing that we both really like is just using handcuffs to lock each other up and mess around. The only problem is that the handcuffs we’ve gotten in the past aren’t really too durable. A few times they’ve opened up without even being unlocked and, most recently, I was pulling really hard and actually broke one of the cuffs. I really don’t want to just go back and get more from the store where we got them because I’m afraid it’ll be a waste of money. Where can I get good handcuffs that we can keep around for a while?

Desperate for Bondage

Dear Bondage,

If you’re visiting a reliable erotic gift shop, you really should be able to find some pretty durable handcuffs – I’m not sure where you went to begin with so try out Condom Revolution down in Costa Mesa. Novelty cuffs definitely aren’t going to make the cut so avoid anything fluffy, pink or sparkly. Go for cuffs listing steel and nickel on the description and expect to spend upwards of $25.00.

If it’s a more restrictive cuff you’re after, search out hinged handcuffs, which will make it next to impossible for you or your partner to escape.

The same goes if you’re looking for cuffs online. Search “police-issue handcuffs” on Google or Amazon and you’ll come up with a number of quality cuffs. “Smith and Wesson” is one of the most popular name-brand police-issue cuffs, so purchasing from their store will ensure a quality product.

Sandy

Sandy,

Is it unhealthy to be “friends with benefits” with an ex-boyfriend?

Sex Goddess

Dear SG,

Duh.

Sandy

Hi Sandy,

I have been with my girlfriend for four years and love her very much. The problem is that in the past year, she has gained some weight and I am starting to feel less attracted to her physically. How can I confront her about her weight gain without hurting her?

Tubby love

Dear TL,

It’s important that you realize this is a pretty sensitive issue for most women. She’s likely aware of the weight gain and is feeling less attractive on her own. That said, it is important to feel attractive to your partner so it’s not something that you can ignore entirely.

Try considering what changes you have made since your first year together and make an effort to identify where you’ve become slightly less attractive (physical or otherwise). If you’ve also gained a little weight, you can bring it up to her that way by telling her that you’re feeling less attractive yourself. Starting up a workout routine is a great way to spend time with one another and would help to zero in on the problem.

If there’s another problem that you’ve been able to identify in yourself, you can still bring up the topic — just on a more general level. Let her know that you feel as though you’ve lost the “spark” in the relationship, but you’ve identified where you can improve and are ready to act on those plans. Increasing activity in this department will likely encourage her to address her weight gain.

Another thing you need to keep in mind is that this woman is the same person you fell in love with, no matter what her size. You can use the earlier method of telling her that you feel you’ve lost a certain spark, but bring up ideas that do not deal in the physical.

Suggest activities that focus on each other — simply going to coffee, having lunch together or scheduling a date night can help bring back the feelings that made you fall in love in the first place.

Sandy

Dear Sandy,

My girlfriend and I have a pretty rocky relationship. We break up a lot (not usually that serious) but usually she’s the one that either breaks up with me or threatens to do so.

Finally, I broke up with her and now I want her back — I mean we always get back together —  but she’s acting like this time is bigger than all the rest. She won’t even give me a chance to talk to her. Since we got in a fight, we haven’t even spoken about it on the phone.

I love her and I just want her back. I truly think we can work this out. We have never truly talked about our problems; I know we just need to communicate better.

How can I show her this can work?

Rocky Road

Dear RR,

It’s certainly understandable that you’d be heartbroken after ending a relationship with someone that you’re in love with, especially when you’ve always given one another the option of hitting the reset button and jumping right back in.

However, it sounds to me like your relationship is not a healthy one. While it’s important to work hard on a relationship with someone you love, it’s equally important to understand when a relationship may not be working out.

It’s possible that your girlfriend was able to realize that and she simply doesn’t want to get back into a relationship that, as you say, is so rocky.

Constant fighting, arguing, breaking up and getting back together, is NOT healthy and is not the way a normal relationship should function.

You might feel like she’s inflicting some pretty serious pain on you now, but, letting that pain simmer for another year or so in an unhealthy relationship can be equally, if not more, painful.

Once you’ve recovered, you’ll find that you’re better off without the stress of such a tumultuous relationship.

Sandy

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