Intimate Inquiries

Dear Sandy,

I have insatiable sexual desires when it comes to feet. Now that spring is coming around and girls are starting to wear their sandals more, I’m finding it harder and harder to concentrate on schoolwork and to control my urges. I get hard at inconvenient times, like during lecture when I’m trying as hard as I can to concentrate. It’s embarrassing. Is there any way I can keep my foot fetish in check?

Footsie

Dear Footsie,

Today, it’s perfectly acceptable and pretty much normal to have some sort of sexual fetish. In fact, a number of couples actually dabble in these fetishes with the goal of spicing up their sex lives.

For that reason, you shouldn’t feel the need to hide your interest in feet from your partner or get rid of it completely. Repressing that desire could be the reason that it’s popping up (HA) at inappropriate times like during your professor’s lecture.

If you haven’t already, go ahead and suggest it to your partner. Address the fact that it might seem a little strange to them, but let them know that you’d really like to try it if they’re open to it. Chances are, they’ll be willing to at least test the waters, but make sure to give them an out if they feel uncomfortable.

That said, it’s important to make an effort to realize when that fetish may be getting out of hand – if it’s affecting you in an extreme manner, then you will need to address it.

After you’ve made the effort to give yourself an outlet, look for signs that it’s still not within your control. Those can include your inability to get it out of your mind, having it come up at unexpected times, ruining your relationship or even affecting you financially.

If this is the case, you will need to work on keeping it off of your mind while you’re outside the bedroom. One way to deal with this is by keeping yourself busy. Joining a club, playing a sport, working, or socializing will help to wean your mind from being dependent on your fetish.

One thing that will make this difficult is going through it alone – make sure that you confide in either your partner or a close friend while you’re going through the process (or feel free to email me personally) so that you have someone to vent to.

If your fetish becomes too difficult to control, you may actually have an addiction on your hands. If so, you should consider consulting with a professional who will give you the tools to manage and ultimately overcome that addiction.

Your therapist will likely use either cognitive therapy, which deals with thought conditioning and thought associations or psychoanalysis in which they will investigate the root cause of the addiction.

Whatever you do, you’ll just need to make sure that the way you manage your fetish keeps you healthy – both mentally and physically.

Sandy

Hi Sandy,

I met a guy six months ago, we went out on a great date but at the same time my ex sent me an e-mail. I was missing him so I kind off brushed this really nice guy off and reconnected with my ex.

But my ex and I have the same issues as before and deep down I question why I am even there with him. Lately, I have been thinking of this other guy. We left it amicably so it was nothing bitter at all. It was too soon for that – I know he was trying to find someone for a relationship via Match.com etc.

The question is: should I give him a friendly call? I am scared of being brushed off…it has been six months since our last contact.

Thanks,

It’s Complicated

Dear Complicated,

It sounds as though you’re somewhat fixated on remaining within your comfort zone. You went back to your ex because you were missing the consistency of having a full-time relationship even when you knew it wouldn’t work out and you’re questioning whether you should even talk to a guy you like for fear of being denied.

It’s a good first step to leave a relationship that affects you negatively, but making the next step toward your independence is equally important.

If you think there’s a chance you might be interested in this guy, there’s no reason why you should just sit back and wonder what might have happened. Give him a call, send him a text, or even an email – whatever you’re most comfortable with.

Keep in mind that, chances are, he’s not going to be pining away for you or waiting by the phone after the six months that you’ve been with your ex-boyfriend but know that this is because you rejected his advances originally. Make sure that you’ve also mentally prepared yourself for the possibility that, just as you moved on to someone else, he might have too.

The point here is that you will never know what might happen if you don’t take the chance. The risk of hearing that he might have moved on is vastly overshadowed by the possibility of finding someone that you can really relate do.

So, what are you waiting for?

Sandy

Dear Sandy,

I’ve been dating this guy for a while now and, as it turns out he’s pretty into blowjobs. Well…not just blowjobs but deep-throating which would be cool if I were good at the whole deep-throat deal, but I’m just not.

Is there anything I can do to practice and work up to being able to do it?

Deep Throat

Dear Deep Throat,

Some girls are just predisposed to be able to deep-throat better than others so you might be somewhat out of luck here – it’ll depend on both your existing gag-reflex and your level of comfort with that jaw position.

While full-on deep-throat might be out of the question for you, keep in mind you’ve got other tools you can use to extend your reach. Looping the first few fingers (depending on the necessary length) around to meet your thumb, you’ll be able to expand your range and effectively give the feeling of full coverage, even if you can’t quite get there.

Practice makes perfect is applicable here as well, so slowly decreasing the space your hand takes up and deepening the “deep-throat” every time you do it will help you improve. Eventually, you’ll be doing it like a pro.

Sandy

CALL FOR TESTERS! In the spirit of great sex in our campus community, we’d like to invite all you female (and male) readers out there to grab your partners and partake in an anonymous survey of lovemaking techniques to determine what works and what doesn’t for the rest of UCI.

We’ll be posting and sending out the jobs (hint) we’re testing, so check back later this week. You’ll have a few weeks to test them out and get back to us via lifeloveandlust@gmail.com or through the Life Love and Lust submissions page.

We can’t promise they’ll be successful, but we certainly can ensure you’ll have an awesome time experimenting with your partner over the next few weeks! Check back soon!