Intimate Inquiries

Dear Sandy,

My boyfriend and I have been trying to make shower-sex work, but we haven’t really had the best time of it (slipping around, can’t find a good position, etc.) What do you recommend trying in the shower?

-Sudsy in the Shower

Dear Sudsy,

Running water, soap and ceramic surfaces aren’t exactly the best recipe for a sex venue, so you’ve got my sympathy here.

One of the best places to start is by slip-proofing any smooth surface. Depending on what you’re most comfortable with, you can get anything from a full-length non-slip bath mat to smaller rubber adhesive pieces you can place along the tub sides, floor and walls. Picking those up is as easy as visiting your nearest bathroom accessory aisle at Target.

The positions you can try are basically just going to be limited based on the grip you have on the walls around you so keep that in mind when you’re making your purchases. The easiest to complete on that scale would be putting your hands or your mouth to use.

Anything oral would just require you or your man to be on his knees, while using your hand frees you up to hold your partner from behind or remain facing each other.

One successful shower position to try is lifting one leg around your partner’s hip in a standing position. For support, grab onto his shoulders and have him hold your waist or lift his leg underneath you.
Moving under the water for a mid-session will make this position steamier than your bathroom mirror.


Dear Sandy,

I’ve been hooking up with a guy for a while now and we have been comfortable with keeping it at that level (very casual). We had talked about it and I even mentioned to him that it wouldn’t be a problem for us to date other people.

He finished up with school and moved back in with his parents for and a few weeks ago. When I came over to pick him up, he invited me inside and said he wanted me to meet his parents and his sister. I didn’t really see it as that big of a deal, but I did get the feeling that he was looking for the relationship to get a little bit more serious than it was

However, two weeks later, he told me our “[f]-buddy thing” just isn’t going to go anywhere and said that he never gets attached to any one girl.

What I don’t get is why he couldn’t just keep the relationship as we discussed it. Why would he introduce me to his parents when we had just said that we want to keep it casual? More importantly, why would he try to hint at a more serious relationship and then completely flip back to being super casual?

-Casual Casualties

Dear Casual Casualties,

Pretty much every person feels at least some desire to be in control of their relationship. But sometimes that need can get out of hand — to the point of manipulation. That’s exactly what seems to have happened with your “f- buddy.”

The conversation you had with him about dating other people is likely what set his sensors blaring — he realized that he’s not in control of your relationship and, more specifically, not in control of the feelings that you have for him.

By taking you in to meet his parents, he was offering you the potential for a more serious relationship and giving you the sense that he was interested in taking things a few steps beyond your “f-buddy” status.

By making you feel anything at all, whether that’s annoyance, confusion, or hope for a more serious relationship, he’s succeeded at his goal of manipulating your feelings. After he drew you away from your solely casual interest in him, he was then free to jump back to the casual set-up that you had before.

After reading all of this, you’re probably thinking he’s some sort of manipulative relationship mastermind. But the truth of the matter is that most people actually do this sort of thing subconsciously — he knew you might slip away, so he had to offer you at least something to keep you there.

I’ve never been a real advocate of the status as an “f-buddy” for just this reason. Even if the two people involved aren’t consciously interested in one another emotionally, the human desire to feel needed ALWAYS pops up on one side or the other after a month or two — a surefire signal that your casual set up is about to crash and burn.


Thanks to those of you who responded with interest in reviewing Life, Love and Lust’s sexual suggestions — They’re finally here!

Because we’ve seen so many fashion trends from the past coming back, we decided it’s just the right time for our good old friend, the hand job, to take back the bedroom.
As with any trend, you’ve got to have a modern twist to make it cool, so we’re spicing him up for you.

This week, start off with “The Handoff” technique, but make sure to pick up a bottle of lubricant (check out last week’s issue for lube suggestions) before getting down to business.

Have your man stand up, while you stay on your knees. Stack your lubed-up hands one on top of the other as if you’re grasping a baseball bat.

With this technique, the pleasure recipient is actually going to be doing pretty much all the work: have him thrust through your grip, while you stay firmly planted in your position.

Make note of what works and what doesn’t so you can submit “his” and “her” ratings and reviews to us via email at so other lusty anteaters can make the best of this test-run.

Check back every week both in the paper and online for new tips to try and see your reviews printed anonymously in the New U!

Happy hand-jobbing!

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Need Advice? E-mail your questions to, visit the blog at or the Life Love and Lust page of the New University Web site and scroll down to the bottom for the completely anonymous submissions box.