Intimate Inquiries

Dear K&E,

I’m really interested in this guy. We’ve been hanging out and getting pretty close, but then I found out he’s dating someone. I was getting the vibe that he was interested in me too, and even now he still asks me to hang out a lot. Am I reading too much into things, or is it a possibility he could be interested in me?


Dear Interested,

It is hard to tell if this guy is really interested in you. Simply asking you to hang out isn’t always an indication of romantic feelings. If you guys are very close friends, it may help to talk it over with him. It seems that you two hang out enough to be able to communicate with each other about this issue. You can explain the vibe you have been getting from him and give him a chance to explain his actions. Most likely, he does not intend to lead you on. He may just be asking you to hang out because he enjoys your company and friendship.

If he’s dating someone else, you may be overanalyzing his behavior. However, he could also be interested, and be under the impression that you don’t have feelings for him. Ask yourself these questions when trying to figure out if he’s interested in you:

1. How long have you known each other, and under what conditions did you meet and start hanging out?

2. Do you do friendly activities or is it like a date?

3. Does he ever treat you as more than a friend or hint at the two of you taking it to the next level? Is he ever flirty?

4. Has he expressed the intention to date around?

This guy could be just dating around and not ready for a relationship. It’s hard to interpret his behavior and analyze everything he is doing. Your best bet is to simply come right out and ask him. Good luck!


Dear K&E,

My friend’s ex has been trying to talk to me lately. He says it’s just friendly, but has been very flirty and even hinted at us getting together. He even said that he thinks I’m beautiful. When I asked him about it, he said he is just being nice and friendly. He and my friend ended on good terms, but I’m not sure I want to go there. What should I do?

-Friendly Fire

Dear Friendly Fire,

It’s never a good idea to get involved with a friend’s ex, especially if it is a close friend. Even though your friend and her ex ended on good terms, it is still a slippery slope. It seems that this guy wants to be more than friends, but is testing to see how you will react. He claims to keep it friendly, but says suggestive comments to get a reaction out of you. It seems like he is testing the waters. If your friend is really important to you, you’ll tell this guy to back off.


Dear K&E,
I went on a couple of dates with this guy, and we really hit it off. He took me to a swanky restaurant for our first date, and then after that we hung out for a week. On the second date, he took me to the beach and then cooked me dinner. I thought it all went really well.

But as soon as we parted after that second date, he stopped talking to me. Well, not exactly stopped, but he would only talk to me if I initiated the conversation and even then it would be really stilted and awkward – not the type of conversations we were having the week before.

I’ve talked to mutual friends and they say that he doesn’t want anything serious, and that he is really busy. But still, I thought we had a connection. I’m hurt. What should I do? What should I feel?

-Week-Long Worry

Dear WLW,

This sounds like a classic case of “It’s not you, it’s me.” It seems like even though the two of you really hit it off, this guy isn’t pursuing anything serious. It seems that he doesn’t want anything that will go beyond a couple of dates. It’s unfortunate that he led you on, but it’s best to move on and realize that this has to do with him more than it has to do with you (or the connection you two had). Despite your great connection, he simply doesn’t want a serious commitment. Move on to better things!


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