Drawn and Quoted

Sad Meal – City officials in San Francisco are considering an ordinance that would ban McDonald’s from including children’s toys in their famous Happy Meals. Under the proposal, McDonald’s would have to include fruits and vegetables in the meals and limit calories in order to include toys. In other words, the Happy Meal is now a Sad Meal.

Way to ruin everybody’s fun again, San Fran. This is just another snooty progressive move intended to take away a vital part of the American experience. I guess McDonald’s will have to change the meal’s name. How exactly does something become better when you subtract fun toys and add vegetables? It just doesn’t add up.

Besides, doesn’t San Francisco have citywide universal health care anyway? Nothing to worry about here. These kids are going to be just fine.

The Social Network – How exciting! There is now a movie about Facebook. I totally want to update my Facebook status while watching a movie about Facebook. Who needs real human interaction these days?

Just Shoot Me – Arizona, Tennessee, Georgia and Virginia have recently gone out of their way to let people with loaded guns hang out in bars. There is nothing that says safety like the combination of alcohol and firearms. I know I would feel so much more comfortable in dive bars knowing that every drunk redneck in the room is packing heat.

What do these lawmakers not understand? Allowing more people to have guns in more places just means you are more likely to have violence. I’m not a math whiz, but it seems to me that if the goal is less violence, we should have less guns in the world. And we should definitely have less guns in bars. Duh.

Text and Drive – A recent study concluded that driving while texting is actually more dangerous than driving under the influence of alcohol. Unfortunately, the study did not address crucial questions, such as how many drinks we are talking about, so I refuse to change my behavior.

Seriously, though, don’t text while you drive. It’s dangerous. Only Arnold Schwarzenegger is allowed to text while he drives. Last time I checked, you have not been both the Terminator himself and the governor of California. When you’ve done both, go ahead and text whenever you want.

Although, on second thought, if I text you amd you’re driving, you can text me back while you drive. That would be totally fine.

Vote for Pedro – Election Day is approaching, and the gubernatorial debates are in full swing. If you have yet to tune in for a debate, I highly recommend doing so. The personal attacks are as enjoyable as ever.

Meg Whitman is taking a lot of heat for the fact that her housemaid is an illegal immigrant. The funny part is that Whitman’s illegal immigrant housemaid has probably voted in more California elections than she has. Meg must be looking forward to casting the first ballot of her entire life when she votes for herself in November.

Slap on the Wrist – As of last week, getting caught with less than an ounce of marijuana will only get you an “infraction,” something like a traffic ticket that doesn’t go on your record. Sweet deal.