Drawn and Quoted

First Aid – Somebody needs to explain something to me. The New York Times recently reported that increases in tuition and fees at universities across the country have consistently been accompanied by a greater availability of financial aid. They’re right about this – even here in the UC system, last year’s 32 percent fee hike was accompanied by an increase in the amount of financial aid available to students. The family income cutoff for aid went up from $60,000 per year to $70,000 right when the fees went up.

I’m having a hard time figuring out the idea behind this whole deal. So, you’re raising our fees and you’re giving us more money to pay those fees? How about, instead, just don’t do anything? If you’re paying out so much more aid, and thus losing money that way, just don’t raise the fees in the first place!

Going Loco for Loko – Everybody needs to calm down about Four Loko. Seriously, it’s been all over the news lately, and people need to relax. Check just about any major news website, and you will probably find an article about Four Loko and how terrible it is for people. The article will probably include quotes from doctors about how your kids are going to die because a can of Four Loko is equivalent to several beers plus two cups of coffee. I’m still trying to find out how that combination could possibly be a bad thing, by the way.

Four Loko is harmless, people. Sure, people have been hospitalized because of it. Yes, several colleges have banned it. Fine, you’re right, one can packs more calories than a Big Mac. And okay, yes, people are more likely to drive after pounding two cans of Four Loko than a few beers, because they think the caffeine is balancing it all out. I still don’t see the problem. Anything can be abused, but does that mean it should be banned? People get hurt when they ghost ride the whip, but does that mean ghost riding should be illegal? It already is. Bad example.

One doctor was even quoted as saying that young people drinking Four Loko “don’t appreciate how much alcohol” they are actually consuming. Yes, friend, we do appreciate it. We appreciate it very much. (Side note: Drink responsibly.)

Details Please – What exactly does it mean if you and someone else “hooked up” last weekend? I need details. The term has officially become too vague to mean anything anymore. Did you shake hands, hug, kiss or straight-up do the deed? Was there alcohol involved? Will it happen again this weekend? Don’t say you “hooked up” with someone unless you qualify the term. The world has a right to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Drop Out – In case you haven’t noticed, a flood of reports over the past few months have reminded us that having a college degree might be totally useless. It turns out that tons of jobs out there already have too many overqualified workers and that job growth might be coming in areas that don’t require a college education. So, basically, the message here is to drop out of school. Unless you have a free ride, of course. Then you should finish because it’s free.