Drawn and Quoted

Texts From Last Night – Man, this whole text-messaging thing is really screwing things up for a lot of people. There was Chris Brown and whoever he was texting when Rihanna was in the car, then there was Brett Favre and that chick from the Jets, then there was Tony Parker getting dropped by Eva Longoria and now Justin Timberlake is getting busted for texting Olivia Munn. It never stops. When are cheaters – especially the rich and famous ones – going to figure out that they can afford to go out and buy a second cell phone plan and have a separate phone just for cheating?

This really doesn’t have to be complicated, people. You can leave the other phone in your car, or hide it somewhere in the house and put it on silent whenever you’re with your significant other. This is the 21st century, people. Get with the times. Nobody else needs to get hurt over this stuff. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Or, you know, you could maybe think about keeping your commitments to your partner and not cheating. There’s always that risk-free option.

Money Shot – Some kid at the University of Colorado–Boulder sure stuck it to the man recently. He personally paid his entire tuition fee – a whopping $14,309.51 – in one-dollar bills and change. Yeah, you sure showed them. They’ll think differently about what they have done from now on. Fuck the system!

Actually, the dude probably just did it to be funny and get hits on YouTube. And if he was trying to make a statement, it didn’t work. Sorry, Broseph – physically demonstrating to the school that you can afford to pay their “huge” tuition fees by actually paying in cash probably isn’t sending the “tuition is too expensive” message – especially considering that you were able to withdraw said cash from your bank account. I’m sure the school was really upset. I’m sure they were like, “Oh no! Someone is giving us $14,000! What are we going to do about this?”

Symbolic Gesture – The GOP-controlled House of Representatives voted this past week to repeal the health care bill pushed through by President Obama last year. House Speaker John Boehner and his ilk also won extra immaturity points by titling the effort the “Repealing the Job-Killing Health Care Law Act.” But hey, give Boehner a break; he doesn’t even know the difference between the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.

The effort is futile for two reasons. First, it’s entirely a symbolic victory for the GOP; Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has already said he isn’t even going to bring the repeal to the Senate floor. Second, it is based on the false notion that Obama’s health care plan actually “kills” jobs; during the repeal vote, Rep. Anthony Weiner (D–NY) chided, “I want to just advise people watching at home playing the now-popular drinking game, if you take a shot whenever the Republicans say something that’s not true, please assign a designated driver.”

On behalf of those UCI students who previously may have gone without health insurance after graduating – but who can now stay on their parents’ plan until age 26 under the new law – let me thank the Republicans personally for trying to take away our health insurance. You guys are awesome. And hey, who needs state-funded health insurance anyway? It’s not like government-run health care actually works. It’s not like every other industrialized nation has universal health care because they figured out that it’s a better system. It’s not like countries with compulsory health insurance programs score higher on the Human Development Index and have greater life expectancies than we do. Totally not like that at all. It’s cool, we can just tough it out if we get sick or injured. No big deal.

State of the Pseudo-Union – According to the New York Times, President Obama’s State of the Union Address is reportedly going to push a mainstream, politically centrist agenda. You know, since he hasn’t already been doing that for the past two years already. Thanks, NYT.