Gummi, Stars, Jamba. Oh My!

By Taylor Weik

Some of the worst days at UCI occur when the SoCal heat wave kicks in. We students are expected to carry on through the day and pay attention in class as if 90-degree weather is normal for us. And it doesn’t help that the freshmen dorms aren’t air-conditioned. The slopes and hills of Ring Road also don’t give us any advantages of avoiding sweating on our way to class.

So how do we college students cope on days where the sun seems to beat upon our backs mercilessly? How are we to survive our upcoming midterms if we can barely focus? You’d be surprised at how difficult it is to concentrate on studying when you’re baking in a furnace.

The obvious answer is to head on down to the Student Center’s food courts and snatch up a power-sized Jamba Juice smoothie.

Jamba Juice is the perfect solution for all kinds of weather. But not just any old Jamba Juice smoothie will do the trick. The smoothie flavors printed on their menu? Don’t even think about them. Save those ordinary flavors for ordinary weather. It’s warm, you’re tired, and you’re in need of something wild. Behold! Jamba Juice’s secret menu. Unprinted and unadvertised in their store, few people have had the privilege of knowing and sampling unique flavors such as Fruity Pebbles and Orange Dream Machine.

Never fear, for this writer has investigated the top secret selection at Student Center’s own Jamba, and after sampling a few flavors, it is time that these exclusive juices are released to the public. Not only can these cold delicacies be enjoyed on a hot day, but they’re perfect for the approaching winter months after a difficult midterm or final to get your brain working again (thank the soy milk Jamba uses in almost all their drinks).

White Gummi Bear

This drink doesn’t taste like any ordinary gummy bear. This is the white gummy bear, the clear ones that you and your younger sibling fought over back in elementary school. Made up of peach juice, mangoes and a variety of fruit sherbets, the resulting product is an exact replica of the white gummy bear, in smoothie form.

Thank You Jesus

When you drink this, you’ll think you’ve died and gone to heaven. A tropical blend of lemonade, strawberries, and pineapple and lime sherbet, this island paradise will have you stretching your arms out towards the sky and crying, “Hallelujah!” It’s God’s gift to us on particularly scorching days.

Strawberry Shortcake

This smoothie was especially concocted for those with sweet tooths. It may come as a surprise that the drink is made up of only frozen yogurt, pineapple juice, sherbet and of course, strawberries. After just one sip you’ll imagine the cup being stuffed full of moist cake, strawberries and a generous dollop of whipped cream.

Peanut Butter and Jelly

Now I know what you’re thinking: How can a lunch sandwich-turned-smoothie actually taste anything but nasty? I don’t know the answer, but Jamba Juice sure does. After you overcome the fear of even ordering the drink and get past the hesitation of the first sip, you’ll find yourself shocked and hungry for more. Made with peanut butter, blueberries, and raspberry juice, PB&J is authentic and surprisingly addicting.

Pink Starburst

It’s the coveted Starburst flavor that always seemed to disappear first out of the just-opened bag. Comprised of lemonade, sherbets, sorbet and fresh strawberries, this flavor is a party in your mouth and tastes like the candy. The juice’s soft pink coloring even looks like the paper wrapper.

I’ve covered five of Jamba Juice’s unique, experimental smoothies from their secret menu, but there are countless more in hiding. There have been stories of the Tootsie Roll, the San Diego and, the most scandalous order: the Screaming Orgasm. So the next time the sun decides to shine down on Irvine a little too much, or you need a break from your tedious study session, get creative and order one of these fun, secretive juices. If you’re daring, make it your goal to sample every single flavor. Who knows, there might even be a flavor named after you one day.