By Ryan Wallace
It’s February — there should still be love in the air. But, for me, love was lost when I made my weekly trip to the mall last week. Cynicism set in.
A) With rising prices for everything, it seems that we’re not exactly getting what we’re paying for and, in fashion, (I hate to say it), some of the purchases should never be made. B) I’m always wondering what people think when they buy some outfits.
My friends might know me from the identifier “Mr. Judgerson,” but seriously why dress like a polar bear or a teen from a bad ’80s movie? If that was what was intended for you then you would have been born in the wild or another decade. You weren’t.
I can’t stress enough that some pieces do not translate well from the runway to the streets, but some looks should have been shot in the pasture. Just because a designer designs something does not mean that it is fashion, take for example nearly the entire ’90s in fashion.
Although the line is not always clear between “fashion forward” and “faux pas,” think of fashion as its purest creative form: art. Some people may look at an easel and see a splattered mess while others see contemporary art at its finest.
Now think of an Andy Warhol painting … what do we all see? A can of Campbell’s soup! These trends like the can of soup deserve to be locked up in a pantry where no one can see them; they are not art, and are most certainly not fashion. Here are some of these rising and falling trends that would be better served as kindle for a fire than for an outfit:
1) Over-sized Coats: I laugh because my father mistakenly thinks that fashion means what is comfortable, and apparently he doesn’t admire my taste for couture. With the trend of over-sized coats, however, suddenly daddy’s hand-me-downs just became fashion forward. Aside from the fact that I would hate to have to eat my words, fashion should be formed and fitted This trend should have never taken to the runway let alone the streets.
2) Fanny Packs: The television show “Clueless” put it best as a 1990s punishment to backpacks. Like most other trends from that decade, these should have died in the ’90s, not experienced a renaissance in newer decades.
3) Bowling Flats: Girls this past fall began to wear these two-toned shoes that hit the stores, but not too many drew the resemblance to the bowling alley staple. Flowery or not, these shoes are only appropriate for professional bowlers or small-footed clowns.
4) Velour Track Suits: Enough said!
5) Full-Fur Garb (Vests, Suits and Bear Boots): Imitation may be the greatest form of flattery, but why pay homage to our furry little friends? We may be mammals, but evolution spared us from the hairy coats for a reason, because it is unnecessary! Don’t make a mockery of our genetics, and worse a mockery of yourself by adorning a winter look with every fur article you may find.
6) Leggings as Pants: They are not, so why try to wear them as such? If you were a chef would you dare try cooking with rat poison instead of pasta? There are rules to leggings, but in general if you shirt doesn’t go farther than your butt, you are in faux pas territory!
7) Men’s Flared Pants: Editorials and the runway have tried to convince men that flares are in. And despite them being colorful or well-made, they are one step away from being parachutes. So unless you are paratrooper-ready for a jump, you will find these pants utterly unnecessary.
8) Amish Hats: They came in this season causing a storm as a top contender as a menswear accessory, but this trend would be better served to those in the coach of the horse and buggy. Not only oversized and ill-fitting, they make any outfit dull and drab with their frontiersman appearance.
The next time you hit the shops, or revisit the sad trends that lie at the base of your closet, remember to take a hint and dress responsibly. Now, you may like some of these trends, in which case I feel sorry for your wardrobe, but if you insist, then do your research and wear them right.
There are tricks to integrate some pieces into your looks, but if you’re looking for a loophole for trends like the fanny pack, you’re hopeless.
While some trends may be tolerated in doses, some should just die in the closet from which they sprang. Dress responsibly my friends, and, until next time, stay trendy.