Vegans and PETA

By Ryan Cady and Justin Huft

Staff Writers

 

There are few things in the world that are as absolutely ludicrous as the veganism culture. Now, not being a huge fan of most “-ism” fads, it’s not a surprise that this last week in news has been one face-palm after another.

It started with the Super Bowl. There was more news surrounding the ridiculous PETA ad than there was regarding the actual game. We’re not huge football fans, but this is like the New Year’s Eve ball drop being upstaged by a hypothetical on-air joke by Ryan Seacrest. Who cares?

In case you aren’t aware of what PETA is, they’re a quasi-terrorist organization that thinks that four sheep and a cow have worse lives than all the Jews in the Holocaust. That’s pretty much all they believe in. Oh, yeah, and hard-core chauvinism. Their banned Super Bowl ad featured three woman having sex with vegetables. Yes, you read that right. Women were putting broccoli/pumpkins/carrots into their lady-parts. If that wasn’t absurd enough, PETA followed up that ad with another, featuring a pantsless woman who complained that ever since her boyfriend became vegan, he’s been having rough sex with her, like “a tantric porn star.”

What part of not eating things that are vital for survival makes you a better lover? PETA claims that recent studies show that vegans are better at having sex. But that’s solely statistical; it’s correlation, not causation. “Going veg” lends to a more health-conscious lifestyle, so vegetarians (except for the cool ones, who subsist only on French fries) are naturally trimmer. That’s the only evidence PETA has for their “study.”

But here’s the irony: Vegetarians are, from a purely biological standpoint, less “sexy.” Vegetarian diets more frequently lead to zinc deficiencies and amenorrhea (loss of menstruation), both of which are commonly characterized by low libido and testosterone production. Besides the fact that the facts just aren’t true, think about the advertising campaign for a second. Here is this organization that is trying to push a new way of living, but instead of labeling it as “healthy,” or “life-extending,” or even “the cool hipster thing to do,” they stick with their nonsensical “it’ll give you a better orgasm” shtick. And this following their years of naked women and recent “Pleather Yourself” campaign. Earlier in the year, they purchased the domain “peta.xxx,” in which they plan to show pornographic videos subliminally interspersed with images of animal cruelty. That’ll show us. What nonsense. The pattern that’s emerging is one of sensationalism, the objectification of women and a rejection of our biological nature, all for the sake of protecting a bunch of animals that other animals eat.

And PETA’s ludicrous campaign influence is now infecting the rest of society, leading other people to think that half-thought out rhetoric relying solely on emotional emphasis can somehow pass as a logical argument. A few weeks ago, I read an article blasting the movie “The Grey,” and urging the masses to boycott it. Why? Not because it was a bad movie. Not because the dialogue was cheesy, or the writer thought the acting was less than gripping (even though the Liam Neeson being a perpetual badass schtick is getting a little old. No. The writer didn’t even bother seeing the movie before writing an entire article about how awful it was). Just for the record, for the purpose of this article, both writers were briefly vegan. The entire argument hinged on the fact that this writer, under the guise of a cynologist , didn’t think that wolves should be portrayed as creatures that kill other creatures. I’m sorry, but that’s what wolves do. They kill other things. They don’t hunt for asparagus in a garden. In the last couple years, there have been dozens of recorded fatal wolf attacks on humans. Retired wolf biologist Mark McNay (a real expert) found over 80 instances of fatal wolf attacks just in Alaska and Canada, enough that some wolves were considered “man eaters” or wolves that had specialized hunting strategies for human children.

In “The Grey,” Liam Neeson and a bunch of sweaty Alaskan dudes traipse around in the wolves’ natural habitat with guns and fire. In the real world, as in the movie, the response of these territorial predators would be to defend their young and secure their habitat. It doesn’t make them evil; it’s just what wolves do. They’re carnivores, and to say that wolves are peaceful, loving creatures, is just another example of the vegan misinformation campaign.

The weird thing is, while PETA seems so intent on promoting veganism and defying the fact that humans are omnivorous by nature (like a bunch of other animals), they can’t seem to put a clear handle on what constitutes “vegan.” Is a vegan someone who doesn’t eat/use anything from an animal? Okay, but where do you draw the line for animal? Is it anything comprised of animal cells? Bacteria die every second because of your actions. The ground is naturally fertilized with the decaying flesh of dead animals. We know vegans who don’t eat honey, because it’s a product made from insects. Is it not okay to eat insects? Even some plants eat insects! How many of them do you think end up in your vegetables because of farming? And on top of that, millions of animals are killed every year by agricultural harvesting equipment; in fact, more rodents and small animals die by harvesting than cattle are intentionally slaughtered. From a utilitarian point of view, it’s more humane to eat a pound of steak than a pound of grain.

But hey, let’s say you’re super vegan: you create a fully organic farm all yourself. Unfortunately, by occupying that land, you’ve offset the habitat of nearby animals and damaged the ecosystem. Hell, even if you don’t plant the farm, and only take fruits directly from plants already in existence, you’ve killed plenty of other herbivores by taking food they would have eaten. “Well, that’s just nature,” you’d say. And you’d be right.

Just like I’m right in saying it’s just nature when a lion eats a gazelle, a mosquito drinks the blood of an animal and a person chows down on thick, delicious, juicy steak.

So, next time you come across a sensationalized, overdramatic, chauvinistic, bordering on preposterous statement about how not eating meat even approaches a good idea, just smile and laugh, and gladly finish your double cheeseburger. You earned it for be a rational carnivore.