By Charles Lam
It’s no secret that people think Orange County is a little bland, but that’s no excuse for thinking that lame places are actually the shit. Case-in-point, five places that actually suck:
5. Corona Del Mar
Fall quarter, week one. The worst time to go to the beach, ever. Each year, it’s crawling with freshmen trying to get into each other’s pants and jockeying for “most popular,” “best guitar player” or “least incapable of starting a bonfire.” Want to get a pit? You better be looking forward to spending an entire day at the beach.
Granted, CDM has some of the best sand in Orange County, but it’s not actually that great, guys. The beach area is way too small, the parking situation is horrible and Newport is most likely getting rid of the fire pits in the next few months.
Yeah, Newport is most likely getting rid of the only things that make Corona a worthwhile place to go to. Great.
4. Turtle Rock
Located behind VDC, Turtle Rock is a great vista. It’s easy to get to (there’s a set of stairs almost all the way up); it looks over all of Orange County (you can see the Disneyland fireworks if you’re there at the right time); and it’s just a tiniest bit chilly (so you can cuddle up).
Too bad everyone knows about it. If you’re heading up there to try to be cutesy, have fun sharing with the three other couples, artsy types taking photos, groups of frat boys and random people being contemplative. If you’re looking for a view, you’ll get it; just don’t expect to be alone.
3. The OC Great Park
Oh wait, no one goes to the Great Park. That balloon is kind of cool, I guess.
2. Newport Beach at night
I can’t blame people for thinking Newport is a great nightlife spot. It’s all of 10 minutes off campus, there are plenty of bars, parking is plentiful and there’s even a beach you can relax on. If you have to live in a rental house during the year, your backyard is literally the beach.
But that doesn’t make up for the obscene cost of alcohol ($7 a shot for well tequila, really?), the ridiculous amount of 30-plus bronze-skinned bros with nothing else to do with their lives than pick up super-wasted women at bars and the shitty venues.
Take Sharkeez for example. One, they spell their name “Sharkeez” for God’s sakes. Two, they can’t decide if they want to be a bar or a club so they end up being horrible at both. And three, the crowd they draw is the broiest of the bros. Do not like.
If you ever feel like losing faith in humanity for a night, people-watch for a bit in Newport, it’ll depress you. Seriously.
It’s not that I dislike Disneyland. I have a lot of memories there; it’s a cool place to be. Some of the best food in Orange County is there. But does that make it cool enough to buy a pass? No.
The problem I have with Disneyland isn’t that it’s so family friendly. It’s not that it sort of produces a cult of pass holders. It’s not even that everything is super expensive.
It’s that Disneyland is a copout. Pass holder with nothing to do? Go to Disneyland! Forget that you can go kayaking on the cheap in the back bay, hop around a room literally made of trampolines at Sky High, cycle on the stupid amount of trails that crisscross the area or spend a day on Balboa Island, just go to D-land. It makes Orange County beige. For the price of a pass and parking, you could have so many other adventures in Orange County. Just look for them.
5 Places We Go That Actually Suck
By Charles Lam