Dirty Dancing ‘Eater Style

A few weeks ago, when preparing ourselves for the madness that is Shocktoberfest, some of us planned for the worst, but most hoped for the best. If only we had known what to prepare ourselves for …

It will forever go down as one of the craziest, largest Shocktoberfests in UC Irvine history, and despite all of the hype around Tyga, it will definitely go down as one of the nastiest too.

In an ironically titled email “UCI Values Fun” from our Vice Chancellor of Student Affairs, Thomas A. Parham, the school made it clear that we as ’Eaters are responsible for not only our own behavior, but also we must “depend on each other to ensure our general welfare.” That is where this article comes in.

Despite the well thought out email from the Student Affairs Office, some of us took the instructions for Shocktoberfest another direction — to “make it nasty.”

The night started out innocently enough, getting all urban-chic with EIC Jessica Pratt, Chelsea Nakano and our new group of partyers, which included our Bruxie bro, Ranjot Brar. However, when we started to push our way to the front to get into the pit, things started to go awry. Being in the pit of people at the front of the stage, it became increasingly difficult to deal with the flagrant disregard for taboos in almost all cultures from others as girls and guys alike participated in what can only be called “filth dancing.”

I’ve seen, and often participated in, the typical dancing we have come accustomed to at clubs and parties, but this was more of the bedroom variety. Groups, mostly guys with a couple of girls, started grinding and getting down in the crowd. I’m most definitely not a prude, nor am I old-fashioned, but when each girl has roughly three guys that they are grinding with simultaneously, we’ve got problems! Not only does it make it impossible to actually get into the concert, but it’s also a threat to our health and our welfare.

In the past, flagrant actions like this have resulted in outbreaks of disease and the official banning of specific events from our campus — why do you think we can’t have foam parties?

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t dance, nor am I saying that you need to stay a Bible’s width apart, but there are some general rules to live by:

If you don’t know the people you are dancing with, try to keep things safe.

Try to keep your number of partners below the number of units you are taking during that quarter.

Keep things clean, meaning keep things PG or hit the showers.

And, if hundreds of people can see you, often those that sit next to you in lecture, try to not embarrass yourself!

Trust me, because walking down Ring Road, I already can’t look at some of you the same way ever again — for shame!

Ryan Wallace is a fourth-year ecology and evolutionary biology major. He can be reached at rpwallace@uci.edu.