“Games” Nobody Should Pay For

Goddamn it, here we are again. For the sixth time in the last seven years, Hollywood has been greeted by yet another spoof “movie” by the Einstein-IQ level genius duo of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. This is the same duo that has brought us the cinematic masterpieces “Date Movie, “Epic Movie,” “Meet the Spartans,” “Disaster Movie” and “Vampires Suck.”

This time around, they’re taking on “The Hunger Games,” which is the main showcase in their newest “movie,” “The Starving Games.” After her sister is chosen for the 75th annual Starving Games, Kantmiss Evershot (so clever) volunteers to represent District 12, where she must fight for her life to win an old ham, a partially eaten pickle, and a coupon for a Subway foot-long sub.

While she fights for her life, whoever watches this movie must also fight for their life to endure an unbearable barrage of lame pop culture references, the most low-brow categories of humor, and movie tie-ins that are thrown in just because they’re popular and well-known to mass audiences.

Ladies and gentleman, “The Starving Games” is not a movie. It is another textbook example of a desensitized, careless attempt at parodying whatever is popular in pop culture at the present time. Hell, there are parodies of popular movies that are well made and much better on YouTube, which might I add don’t require a multi-million dollar budget and professional actors.

In the field of comedy, there should be a build-up to a joke, where the audience knows the banter between certain characters is going to lead to a laugh. For the Friedberg/Seltzer duo though, their form of comedy is stuffing their overloaded package of popular culture and 13 year-old, lowbrow humor without a proper build-up, therefore things just happen. That’s about it. You can only act like you’re 13 for so long, and these two assholes have exceeded that limit for over 25 years now.

In terms of the movie parodies they do, both them and the actors playing the popular figures make no attempt at doing a proper impersonation of them. Besides “The Hunger Games,” whether it’s trying to poke at “The Avengers,” “The Expendables 1 and 2,” and an insanely over-dated “Avatar” parody, all the actors in the roles have the expressions of “Let’s get this done ASAP, that way I can get the fuck out of here.”

If there’s anything that can be considered good in the most overstated form, their past two projects have had a lead that does a decent job at nailing the mannerisms of the popular character they play. As Kantmiss Evershot, Maiara Walsh captures the mannerisms of Jennifer Lawrence’s portrayal of Katniss Everdeen to a decent degree, just like Jenn Proske did at parodying Kristen Stewart’s mannerisms as Bella Swan in “Vampires Suck.”

Also on a brighter note, I’m glad this movie was produced before the Miley Cyrus VMA debacle, because that would’ve made things even worse than they already are.

Now I consider myself a relatively laid back person, ask anyone that knows me. However, I implore someone to improve the cinema industry of planet Earth by kicking those two assholes out by any means necessary, that way the combined IQ of the thousands of filmmakers in existence will increase ten-fold.

In the end, “The Starving Games” to no surprise continues to ask the question “What more needs to be said that hasn’t been already for the extreme lack of any competent filmmaking that Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have done for the past seven years?”

The answer is still a resounding “nothing.”


NOT RECOMMENDED: I feel like I’ve already said every reason for why nobody should see this travesty to cinema.