Satire: New Year’s Resolutions
It’s the new year and we all know how hard it is to keep a new year’s resolution from falling apart. If you are having trouble keeping your resolution, then here are some notable resolutions from the past to help keep you motivated!
Michael Jordan: Be the greatest player of all time… in baseball.
Mark Zuckerberg: Graduate from Harvard.
Conor McGregor: Politely ask my classmates to stop picking on me.
Steven Spielberg: Get better at photography.
Chris Pratt: Stop drinking so many beers.
Kevin Hart: Work on my public speaking skills.
Eminem: Get a rhyming dictionary.
J.K. Rowling: Get rid of all this extra money.
Jennifer Lopez: Become a backup dancer.
Jesus Christ: Control my temper.
Santa Claus: End the war on Christmas.
Channing Tatum: Learn how to talk to girls.
Marco Miranda is a third-year Drama Major. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.